Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
