So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
