The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
