I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
