1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
