Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
