Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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