I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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