No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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