Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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