Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
