I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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