He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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