whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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