I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
