my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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