i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
