have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
