just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
