Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
