We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
