after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
