My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
