Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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