Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
