Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
