i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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