What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize