Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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