you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
