i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
