My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
