Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
