Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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