I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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