Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
