my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize