woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
vagina is talking i cant
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
