my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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