He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
