i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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