At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize