dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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