I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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