I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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