what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
