You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
