I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hippo gnu deer
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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