but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The Olympian is in my bed
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
