Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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