If that was your dad, he is hot
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
