Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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