every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
