Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yo dont text me then not text me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
