What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
