is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
