when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
