I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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