Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
