just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
