We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
