idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
