There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize