Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
