Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
