my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
