Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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