do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she told me i tasted like america
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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