hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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