I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I love having hate sex.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
